If you want to have the "coming out" talk with your parents, it helps greatly to prepare first. How your parents react to the news will depend on different factors such as:

· Whether or not they suspect it already

· How they personally feel about homosexuality

· Their lifetime experiences with homosexuality

· Their background and upbringing

· Religious beliefs/ moral beliefs

· Preconceived ideas about sexuality

The ideal way to tell your parents that you're gay is with a mature conversation in which you explain the situation or possibly introduce a homosexual partner that you have (without them first being present). For example, "Mom, Dad, I want you to meet this important person in my life but I feel it's important that I warn you first."

Try to limit the conversation to the facts only, unless your parents ask for more information. Let them know that you felt it was an important part of your life that you wanted to share with personally.

If you feel that one or both of your parents may become particularly upset or violent over the news, it's good advice to have the talk with a mediator. This might be another family member, a counselor or a religious leader such as a church pastor.

Allow your parents time to absorb the information and avoid taking it personally if they do not react the way you want. If they say mean or hurtful things to you, try to avoid saying these things back. Once you've shared your news peacefully, you are free to leave the conversation if things turn ugly.

Many people find that sharing the news that they are gay with their parents goes much easily than they expected. Often they worry that the parents will be angry or disappointed and in many cases the parents already knew or suspected anyway and were just waiting for the child to tell them.

Avoid blaming your parents, no matter what type of reaction they give. For example, skip comments like "You made me this way" or "It's your fault I'm gay". Also avoid feeling like you have to make excuses for who you are. If you are comfortable with your lifestyle and sexually preferences, you should not have to explain or excuse that. To do so in the "coming out" talk can make it seem like you are guilty for how you feel, like confessing to doing something wrong when you were a child.

*This advice is for adults 18 years or older. See advice for 17 and under in the next section of this article.

If You're 17 and Under

If you are still legally a minor, particularly in your teen years, you may want to think on it a bit before you tell your parents that you are gay. First, consider the fact that you may not actually know what your sexual preference is at this age. Here are some things to consider:

· Are you sexually active? If so, you should talk to your parents about it, no matter who you are having sex with.

· What makes you think that you are homosexual? This is an age of sexual growth and exploration. What you may be feeling are normal to many teens and young adults.

Feelings of attraction toward the same sex do not automatically make you homosexual. We live in a society that many will call "over-sexed" and this has led to many young people looking at every situation with sex in mind. Other normal, healthy feelings are sometimes confused with sexual attraction. For example; admiration, close friendship, non-sexual love, respect, physical attraction and more can be mistaken as sexual attraction when these are normal feelings for one person to have with another. Thinking someone is beautiful or admiring their physical appearance does not mean you want to have sex with them. Often today, these lines are blurred and for teenagers with already raging hormones, it can blur these lines even more.

Sometimes talking to your parents about how you are feeling can help you to realize that you might not actually be gay or that you may still not really know who you are sexually yet, as you are too young to have developed this part of who you are fully. If you have a good relationship with your parents, talking about the issue openly can be very helpful as you work through it.